I haven't been my best lately. It seems like every little thing irritates and annoys me. I have yelled in a evil wicked voice that would make Joan Crawford win the Mother of the Year Award! Seriously! I am posessed and something takes over my face so that it scrunches up and I look demonic. My voice goes to an intense shrill or a deep growl. A voice that does not belong to me.
I end up hating myself afterward. The littlest things set me off, mostly it is picking up things that a 17 year old to a 8 year old should be able to take care of. Still doesn't excuse the severe emotional break downs. Mr. Incredible is begging that I medicate myself. It very well could be hormonal. I had a hyster when I was 31 or was it 32? Oh, who cares! I had a hyster.
I am stubborn. I think that I should be able to pray this away or serve it away or do something! But, it would help if I started praying, right? I have taken St. John's wort. It's an over the counter mood stabilizer. It's for depression! Depression? I'm not depressed! I just get mad as Haiti if they can't do simple constant requests. Why, is my mental condition called into play when people don't OBEY?? I have used it every so often. I still have more than half a bottle left. It does make me mellow. Spill a glass of milk and I'm chillin'! Where normally, I would be raging.
There is a new over the counter drug called SamE. When it comes on TV my family is like, "MOM, Goose, you need that!" They are laughing and joking but maybe I do need it!" What's that big Utah drug? How do you get on that? Most are members of the church and the upside is they are all skinny! SIGN ME UP for that!!! If you know what it is leave a comment and tell me more! For the most part I am happy go lucky. But I can get into my OCD swings and that is when my world and their world are off kilter! It doesn't happen often but OH when it does.
Here I am, Monster Mommy! How appropriate to be Frankenstein. I should really be the doctor!
42 comments:
I hear ya. I have moments too. Have you checked your hormone levels lately? You might want to do that. I like natural products myself. I have taken a couple of things that sent me over the edge. Made me worse. I think that winter might have something to do with it.
You are cute even as a Stein.
Are we sisters that were seperated at birth? I am beginning to think that we are. I have the SAME issue!! My hubby tells me to get medicated ALL OF THE TIME. I have been trying the Sam-e as well. It is just hard to remember to take it. I have a hard enough time with birth control!!
Let just say I agree with Jan. Have you had your hormone levels checked lately? And I hear what your saying. After all I am LIVING in Utah. Wish I knew what all the women were doing. Maybe they don't share it with out siders.
Here is what I do. Walk and try to limit my in take of sugar/chocolate. I am better about things since I went of caffine. Sugar is a hard one for me because I love sweets.
Can't wait to see what you find out. Hang in there, your a great mother. Things will get better because you have such a great love for your family.
You are cracking me up! LOVE the picture!!! But, I am here to tell you, I have been crying over spilled milk for the last 2 days. For Pete's sake, Shaila, get a grip. Is it our age??? What is up?!!!
I am sure Kelly has something in her little drug bag you could try!
Hope you are feeling better.... soon, really soon!
First of all--my qualifications for my comment are that I have been chemically balanced for years. Various chmicals have been tried and rejected--but will probably be chemically altered till the day I die.I like to say things like chemically balaced and altered better than medicated--its funnier and boy do I need funny!
I think some things can be changed with natural products and more exercise and better eating AND scripture reading and more praying. BUT BUT BUT-----drugs for depression, anxiety, bi-polar etc are all chemicals that change the way the natural occuring chemicals in your body act and re-act.
When a person is depressed or anxious or bouncing on the bi polar express it generally means that your brain synapses are firing but they are not making connections with the right neuro thingies so-------you are literally not thinking straight. When you are stressed your body can stop creating enough seritonin which makes this all work the right way.
So, some people can fix this all without going to a doctor but it is my opinion that sometimes you need the medication (sometimes for just awhile) to balance you out so you can think straight to figure out and solve the problem. I know when I have been struggling I can't even find the light of Christ let alone feel it.
And then there are some of us who are always a hop skip and a jump away from the funny farm and probably shouldn't be handing out advice--so there you go.
I don't think there is a drug that makes you skinny if you live in Utah--I just think they are so stressed because they are trying to be always skinny that they need medication.
I realize that I don't live with you etc but I find you to be a great source of strength and such a great example of self esteem. I love your posts and pictures and learn so much here in your nest!
Sorry--I think they call this blog snatching or kidnapping or something--obviously I have issues! THanx for letting me vent! Ha! Like you had any choice. Oh--well--I guess you cold delete me--ahhh the voices in my head are so distracting!!! :0)
Could just be the full moon.
Believe me girl, you're not alone!!!! What I realized though is that when I'm going off like that, more than likely I have not been in the Word that morning! I totally don't have Gods peace through the day. That's the only thing that gets me through..is His strength. Me? I'm a big ole mess on my own!!
This happens to me around that glorious time of the month. Sometimes prayer and scriptures help, but sometimes they just aren't enough. It's very possible that chemical or hormone levels have changed.......
I'm realizing that I'm just restating what most people have already said. I think you should listen to them. =D You are a good mother -- a good woman. It's okay to need some help at times.
And don't get too down on yourself. Some healthy reevaluation is good, but excessive fault-finding in yourself is just Satan's way of getting to you.
MG
Having been chemically balanced for DECADES now, I would NOT ever live without my meds! Some people look at depression as sin, or a weakness. IT IS NOT! It is real-and just like if you had diabetes or thyroid disease you would take meds to help regulate your body-the same is for depression. If you need help, don't be afraid to ask. While prayer and reading your scriptures are all GOOD things to do-it will not cure an imbalance!
I think it's called 35+ rage...just mark it up as crazy and tell everyone to just leave you alone!!!!!!
I have noticed all the utah mormon moms are so skinny. What's up with that. Maybe it's Meth!!
I read ya sista! It must be the winter blues or something.
I am so with you on this. Boy do I understand. I think someone is playing a bad joke on us women. Because so many are saying the same thing & feeling the same way... Good luck.
And if it helps anything. I did get on medication for depression & anxiety & it helps most of the time, until a week before that time & boy. Everyone better watch out, because who knows what's going to happen...
Oh, honey! Get to the dr. asap! Have your hormone levels checked, and if all of that is normal, Lexapro, baby! Seriously, it changed my life. I know some people scoff at anti-depressants, but I smite them! Why live like the monster mommy? That's crazy. And do you you really think Christ and H.F. want that for you? Of course not! We only have a short time here on earth, and you can't waste it by being and acting nasty all the time.
(((Hugs)))
It will get better!
{{hugs}} to my favorite goose.
You have smart comments up here already. Hormones checked #1, Depression meds #2. If you try some exercise and can get yourself dumping those feel good hormones naturally then I'm all for it but if not, do not stop go, get yer goose caboose to the dr.
Hon, do not let pride rob you of something you might need. When you needed a hyster- you got it. Why should it be any different if you need anti-depressants? It is not a personal failing and you can't just pray it away. You know that God is not Santa. That's why we have medicine. The meds don't make it disappear, they mellow it out so YOU can manage it better.
I am speaking as the wife of a person with depression. It isn't just making things hard on you. Sounds like your family misses YOU and wants YOU back.
You might not even need meds. I have gone to a Counselor several times in my life when I was struggling and it made such a difference. It was such a relief to be able to just talk it out with someone without having to worry about hurting anyone I loved with what I said. I could just say the things I dared not voice at home. Just to get it OUT of ME so it didn't keep festering.
Please consider. Your family is joking because they don't want to hurt your feelings but they don't know how to approach you. Don't make them hold an intervention. Accept that they love and miss you and figure out how you can get yourself back for you and them.
Just learned this very morning from a therpist that exercise is being proven as the best fighter of anxieties over medication. I thought that was pretty interesting. It's all those feel-good endorphins that get released when we work out. I guess I better get to it!!
You should pray and see what answer you get. And remember that depression has all sorts of ways it manifests, it is not always the crying, sad stuff.
i have those days, weeks, months, too.
seriously.
time will be the best solution.... find something FUN to do....
eat chocolate....
take a walk.
St. John's Wort actually made me worse... but then some people LOVE it. but when i was having "issues" it made mine WORSE!!!
you could have that Seasonal Depression... my best friend has that. it has been cold & dreary... maybe that has something to do with it.
maybe you are bored. maybe you are in a slump. that is me. i get bored and feel like i am in a SLUMP and i have GOT to go do something FUN & new and adventurous.
good luck... and i know you will pull through it :)
Manga dork's behavior lately has not brought out the best in me.
When I read your post I thought, Hey, that sounds like my house. Let me know if you find a great solution.
I truly feel your pain, some of my biggest regrets and guilt is when I would go into one of those spills. Maybe, just maybe, you are trying to do tooo much. Be the perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect employer. You get home from work, you are tired and the smallest thing can set you off because you are tired and just wish that someone would appreciate you and just pick up the extra articles around the house. Do a little extra something.
I have been depressed for a long time, I have tried to work through it....sometimes I can and then sometimes I can't. What has been said up there is right....exercise and alot of light coming in those windows help but most of all rest. I used to give myself time out. When I would feel it coming on I would just go to my room.
Good luck and just know, that you are not alone.
Also...another joke that is played on us women is.....we start going through the change when our children start to leave home. Talk about crying all the time...sheweeeeeee....it just isn't right.
I totally recognize this description of Monster Mommy, and let me tell you--nobody sets her off like the kiddies can. Sometimes after a screaming and yelling jag, I feel so hideous--and then it's really hard to pray.
I've found that when I haven't had enough rest, she comes out. Also around that time of the month. I switched to caffeine free Pepsi about a year and a half ago, and I've seen her less since then as well. Of course, when I begin my day on my knees, that also helps--but not always. Good luck on this one. It's a toughie.
That's no fun. Love the pic though.
This too shall pass...
Hi chic..too funny..you are a blogger an a photog...guess we ended up with a few things in common!
Dont you work for US Air?? Did you know any of the crew on the crash?? (All are ok, but a crash.. wondering how you are doing)
Ooooh girl I'm monster mom too. I take meds for my craziness... praying does work tons and then one day I received a loud answer of God gave doctors the talent to diagnose and medicate to help you get through this. I only need to smallest dose of cellexa daily and I'm happy happy happy but still able to discipline (firmly with a smile) the hoodlums that trash my house daily.
Piko's grateful for the meds... when I remember to take 'em.
I sooo totally understand. I've been there. Done that. Still do it. It's okay to be upset with the disobedience, but if the anger is out of kilter with what took place, then something more could be happening with your body/mind. If you've had a hysterectomy, hormones can always be out of balance. And depression/anxiety can make a person more angry. Mood disorders can too. St. John's Wort can be great, but may not be strong enough. Utah is the king of Prozac. I hope you get things worked out and you start feeling better. You're in my thoughts.
You have received an award on my blog! Please go check it out, thanks!
Yeah, I have no idea what the crazy Utah people are on...but I no my hubbys aunt is on something. If you want I can get the thingy, but she is still kinda cranky soooo I would just go get your hormones tested. Dang, hope that doesn't piss you off! :}
I get irritated, but usually its cuz I am hungry or tired.
I have days and weeks like that. My husband usually asumes that it's my time of the month, which sometimes it's not that at all. He will pester me untill I want to scratch his eyes out. I'm like, why would you poke a mad bear. You are just asking for it. I don't really feel bad when I snap at him, he usually deserves it. But I do feel bad when I yell at the dogs. They just give me their sad eyes and I'm puddy in their paws. I noticed I am more snippy in the winter time. Probably just the winter blues.
I hear ya! We all have these days. You are loved and your children know you love them. m
PS
How can you still look beautiful all made up like Frankenstein? You are a hag! JK
lol ... Heard enough of people saying get your hormone levels checked or go to the dr? lol I won't do that... cause I've done all those things enough to know it drives you CRAZY living it.. let alone hearing the same things over and over. lol But I will say ... medically induced comas are IN BABY! LOL (I keed, I keed... sorta... lol)
hummmm.... good advice on your comments - for me the foods I eat and exercise are so important - my fabulous therapist is necessary, doing things I like to do - but if all else fails, I tried lexapro once and liked it too (didn't do anything skinny for me, though.....)
take heart and know you are loved
Woman, I don't need an excuse, I am just always a monster.. I made my new years word change... not the Obama change. But change the way I am for the better..
Get your levels checked.. I miss you..
Girl, I feel ya!!! Mood swings...I gottem!!!
I think we have all had those days. Some of us more than others...
WHERE on Earth are you???? Did you die? Did you OD on those "skinny pills"? Dang, girl... I miss you!
I totally hear you!! I'm in a funk lately too. I get super annoyed over the stupidest things. WHY??
When you figure this out let me know, k? And if I figure it out before you, I'll let you know. :)
Gosh you sound normal to me...You seem like a perfectionist, which I am not, so I don't go off about things like that, but if my kids make a mess that only I can clean up...then I'm TOTALLY Mother Dearest!!! lol!
Are you talking about PROZAC???
Just wanted to you to know..."I miss you" and hope your doing alright.
hey sweetie! i like this post because it's so true to life. i hope you're feeling better today? you know what- sometimes when i am really stressed out, i buy this stuff called "calms forte". you can get it at any pharmacy. it;s homeopathic, over-the-counter...it's for nervous tension and/or insomnia. it seems to help me chill out a bit. i don't know if it's just a metal thing or what. also you can get melatonin over the counter which is a natural hormone that helps you sleep- but it can just help you relax too. not so much that you want to take a nap, though!
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