thankful

Many years ago when my life seemed to be even more full and full of service for others besides my own immediate family. I felt like I could take on extraordinary things and I did. A heartfelt prayer was always offered to Heavenly Father pleading with him to please bless me with the capabilities to be able to accomplish all of the tasks throughout the day. I am a huge list maker and evoke even more pleasure from being able to check each one off, task by task. It is very self gratifying but it is also very self destructive in the event that I am not able to check everything off. When I was a young mother with 3 small children and my children were 6,3, and a newborn. I was in YW's presidency and various callings for YW for 14 years straight. My children were always tousled around on YW night, Sunday mornings and bi monthly temple trips and monthly stake dances. This was life for my children. They didn't need a house or bed or kitchen because our car seemed to be the place where they ate and slept longer than they did their own home.

Despite my church calling I also was a VT and a very good VT at that. Inspiration would come to me always. I would be driving and a thought would enter. Instantly, I would call the person, or someone I wasn't serving and just see how they were doing. Many times, I would prepare dinner that was too much for our family and call someone and say I had an extra dinner would you like it? My children always saw acts of service to another because we would bake cookies, cakes or brownies and just randomly deliver.

I was then called to be an enrichment leader in one of the largest wards and stakes. WE had a combined ward with the Spanish Unit. I loved this calling. Each month my committee would travel to the temple for a session and then prepare our activity. Our temple is about an hour and a half away. We went from 10 sisters coming out to a monthly total of 65-75 women consistently. It required so much work and I also added another child who was very very ill. I felt supported because the glory was not mine. It was not me. It was Heavenly father who softened peoples hearts, who reminded them to come, and who inspired us to prepare. I had prepared myself spiritually and my eyes and ears were open what he wished for me to do and my physical body was willing to be able to do what it was he asked. Not, only did I volunteer for the church but I was involved in many volunteer services in the community. I was room mom for 2 children at the same time, Girl scout leader, and volunteered at the pre-school 3 days a week. Life was full. I was content and happy and my house was clean. God, does provide a way to accomplish all that he has in store for us and much more, if we are willing to heed his words.
Do you notice a trend as you are reading? WAS, everything is PAST tense.
Fast forward 10 years. My children are so much older and all of them are self reliant. Things should be easier for me to provide service to others, like before. They are not. I feel frantic at times and hurried and I feel like there is not enough time to do the things I need to do. I feel rushed. I feel disconnected from everything. Family, church, and friends.
My teenagers although, they do not need their physical needs attended to. They need their spiritual needs and emotional needs attended to so much more and it is very tiring for me. I tend to withdraw from everything if I can not do things perfectly. I choose not to deal with things at all. I despise the fact that I have the characteristics of a perfectionist. It is either full throttle or nothing. I need to be with them. I need to be engaged with them and I can not attend to the needs of others at this time in my life. At times, I feel so selfish because I see others doing these wonderful acts of kindness and I long for that but fall weary and weak. I have to keep my family a float. Actually, Mr. Incredible is the one who takes up ALL of the slack. He truly is incredible. He does so much more and our goslings definitely go to him when storms arise and they think I may FREAK! because after 19 years I have not learned how not to FREAK first. Once I have my first initial melt down, then I am on board with everything.

Which leads me to my true purpose and intent of this post. Mr. Incredible has always supported and sustained me in my callings. There was a time when his work took precedence and I had to take care of the children, house and church duties, on my own. But, after a heartfelt talk and through many tears we worked it out. He has always been supportive in everything I do as well as the children. We have tagged teamed it from the very beginning. We have adjusted to make things work.
Mr. Incredible was working for a top four international company and was on the pursuit of climbing the career ladder. He was out of town for many meetings and his travel had picked up some. I worried the night I had enrichment because it usually consumed my entire day. I felt like others were getting the best of me and my children were left eating fast food and were not getting home until hours after their bed time. HF blessed me with children who didn't complain. I am sure He understood that I couldn't withstand that trial. Even though they never complained my heart panged for them. My heart also hurt the times that someone would say, "I have to leave, I have to get my children to bed, Sorry I was late, I had to fix my children dinner". ME TOO! but, I was setting up or I was cleaning up. But, the most difficult time that I absolutely hated was when my children would have to stay in the nursery during EN or off in some room close by while I had youth night. Mr. Incredible while out of town, would fly back into town just to watch our children. Just so they could have a meal in their home and get to bed at a good hour so their studies would not suffer and they would be alert for school the next day. He probably had to do this 4 or 5 times a year. And if he was out of town and drove. He would sacrifice and drive home early to be there for our children. This one act of service has always brought me to tears because I was able to fulfill my callings how I felt they should and not have to worry about my little ones.
He has always supported me in every way and in every calling I held.