Dragged through the Dirt

He's my boy!

Last night I thought it would be fun to take our HUGE English MASTIFF out to the soccer fields. I'm chillin in my lawn chair looking all cute and dog is sitting nicely beside me. You don't take our puppy anywhere without wanting to be noticed.
I mean he isn't exactly tiny. He has gorgeous markings, he is large in stature and never mind the fact that he weighs 170lbs. Give or take a few pounds depending on when he has last eaten. He is big. He is strong. He truly is a gentle giant. It is the nature of his breed.

Beautiful dog and I settle in and he is sitting ever so obedient next to me. I notice that another dog and his pet are walking towards us. I don't frett, my dog is more human than k-9. I turn my attention back to the practice fields sitting ever so proper. Less than 3 minutes later I found myself flipped over backwards from my chair, legs in the air, and then dragged on my back. Thankfully, I gained enough sense to flip over belly side and try to wiggle my hand out of the leash. I couldn't do it. I was dragged at least 7 feet. I tried pulling against him but he kept propelling me forward. I tried desperately to pull my arm out of the loop but to no avail. I was being dragged like a rag doll with no hopes of stopping. Finally, the k-9 gods above took pitty on my plight and it ends as I look up and see the other dog with his pet stairing directly above me. I know that man was trying desperately to stifle his laughter as I hear, "Are you all right?" I quickly get to my feet. I instinctively retort, "Yeah, I'm fine". In a tone, leave me alone, go away I never want to see you again, and if you do see me out do not acknowledge me. I was wanted to dye!. My butt was just dragged across a field where parents, coaches and a hundred kids were practicing. One girl saw and she couldn't even finish her drill she dropped to the ground laughing!

Mortified, embarrassed and hair all a ruffle I do what any good dog owner would do. I get up and beat the mother living daylights out of my dog! OF COURSE, I didn't! What do you take me for? When I did regain my senses. I reprimanded my dog and yanked his chain hard enough to rattle his word that there was no mistake he had messed up. But, I know the chain rattling was to no avail seeing that it was nothing for him to drag my big butt across the field. I am not a tiny woman. I'm polynessian, Tongan Hawaiian. (need I say more?)
Yes, I see a few light bulbs going off upon this realization.
YES! DOG is BIG and STRONG I told you that!
I have learned a few lessons. 1. Looking cute with dog is being haughty and haughty means your naughty. You will be humbled.
2. He ruined a beautiful white linen blouse that is still soaking in woolite. Don't take dog out looking good.
3. Never over estimate the control your pet has over YOU and
4. Do not loop your arm into the leash. You won't be able to let go.
To his defense the other dog was a hot lookin' biotch, in k-9 world. Being called a Bee with an itch is a good thing when you are a dog!. She had long white beautiful hair, that seemed to flow in the wind. She had sparkly clear eyes and she had a wet black nose that just glistened in the sunlight. I'm sure her scent was enough to drive any stud crazy. Her tongue was a gorgeous victoria secret pink. Who could blame my boy?? I mean Victoria Secret. Come on! Just the mere mention of VS has many salivating. I couldn't really be upset with my boy.
The biggest humiliation came from Dash. He was bent over laughing. I thought he would pee himself. I can most definitely laugh at myself but I can only take so much. He was relentless. He kept giving me a play by play and was overly animated that it drew more attention to me! Yes, I would like to move on and forget this moment! Not, Dash, he would rather revel in this moment and recount the events and tell me over and over again how HULL LAREE OUS I looked. He wanted the news people to be there. He wanted it captured on film. He wanted to win the grand prize on Home Funniest Videos. Much to my chagrin, I know I would have won. Have any of you seen the video where the lady is on a beach and she is parasailing?? Remember her ending, she gets dragged through the sand and then realizes she is in the air and sprawls out like nothing happened?? That was kind of sorta me. And picture the boat as my dog!
I never laughed so hard in my life and I just youtubed it and found it and I am laughing so hard I can barely see! So, to my dear son, Dash. I can only imagine the sight you saw and you are forgiven. Santa will be coming this year! LOL, if you click on the link, it will bring you to the parasailing lady and you can really feel the moment like Dash and I!

Look at his MASSIVE muscles

His paws are GIGANTIC

His neck is IGNORMOUS

He likes to pretend he doesn't SEE me

BUT... If I say a juicy 5 letter word, He changes his tune.
T R E A T

He starts salivating like nobody's bizness

You called

P S Y C H E No, I don't play mean games like that. But, I think 'em.


He'll get over it!

....or maybe not.