My wing is wounded and I wonder if I will fly again? OK OK, enough for the dramatics!
I'm not wallowing in tears and my eyes aren't swollen from crying but they maybe in TWO days! When I write a post of raw emotion my mil calls me up and in her efforts to make me feel better, she begins crying and then I have to bolster her up. I wish that helped me but it doesn't. I'm not depressed the house is not depressed but we have true emotions and we are going to miss our son and their brother.
I had similar feelings when I sent Warrior off to kindergarten for the first time. I knew it was a road well tread before by many parents. But, it still didn't ease my fears or lessen my pain and this is the same situation. Sending a child off to college or off on a mission or to war would offer the same feelings of trepidation. I am so thankful for this time to slowly break in my emotions. I will see my son in a few months, I can call my son daily if I wish and at a moments notice I can be by his side.
What a wonderful training ground I have to take advantage of. In another year I won't have those same liberties. I won't be able to see him for 2 years, phone calls will be limited. I see again another branch in the perfect plan.
Warrior shared his testimony and as he bore witness of the truthfulness of the gospel and of a living prophet and of Christ my heart and fears were tempered. And in that moment I knew we would both be OK. A tender mercy God had shown unto me.
Warrior shared he is excited and ready to step forward to this next journey. He would miss his family but more importantly he was grateful for the trial of unemployment because of the spiritual strength that it has brought our family. The increased faith that it has brought to him and the stronger testimony of prayer that he has experienced.
To hear those words spoken from my son only 2wks before he would leave my nest was once again, a tender mercy from God shown to me and a living testimony to know that God truly knows me as his daughter and knows each one us.
Although, he has not answered our most requested pleas he has answered so many other prayers and pleas instantaneously, almost as soon as it is uttered from our lips it is answered, and we praise Him for his wisdom and seeing fit to bless us in all that we need.
Recollections flooded my mind of when I was heading out to college. I had the world at my feet. I was ready to fly the coupe. I couldn't wait for college and everything it offered me. I was sure I would not be home sick! I was ready. (I did long for home)
Warrior, is so much more kind to his parents than I was to mine. He still does his chores, he is still sweet and loving and showers me with kisses and affection often. He dispells my anger or rath with either his humor or his touch. He too spends his days sleeping to noon, spending time with his friends and living a carefree life, AND that is OK with me. Enjoy this time Warrior. It is a special time and a very unique time in your life. You won't ever have a summer like this.
I can't help but wonder why I haven't heard stories of how woman deal with these feelings. I have been given advice how to nurse, how to rear children, how to rear teenagers, how to potty train, how to cook, how to clean, marital advice, even thoughts on why I shouldn't ride a motorcycle, much of it unsolicited but no advice prior on when your first child leaves.
My advice from the get go in case, I get to do this again in the next life to myself.
"You have less than 18 years. Make sure they love the Lord. Make sure they love themselves. Make sure they truly understand the love that Christ has for them. If they grasp this concept they will have no feelings of inadequacy. They will be proud in their accomplishments as well as the accomplishments of another. If they do their best their best will be enough and that there is no other love stronger than a parents love on earth. They may have a spouse or children one day but no love will be able to match that of a parents love for their child. After all this is done have faith. FAITH that you did nourished and strengthened them enough to make it on their own. (I didn't do it on my own, I have an incredible companion that made up for all my flaws)I will then go on and tell myself that was the best decision I ever made was to marry that man and to RELAX, DON'T worry, save the relationship and so what if your house is a little dirty, go live life with them because it is only for a short time. Yep, that's what I would tell myself." Do you think God gives DO OVERS?
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13 comments:
GREAT post Chrys...Yes all mothers feel this way,,, I have a do over with Grant. it is great! Darling pictures and blog!
I know my eldest is only 13, but I think about that too. These 13 years just flew by, so what's another 5?
All I know is that it does get easier. My friend (who lives in Hawaii) has a son who went to college in Nebraska! He's in his 3rd year now, but I can't imagine not being able to drive to my child if I had to!!
I can imagine how much you are going to miss your son. Your family looks very, very close!!!!!!! I'll probably cry when you write that post, I'm sure!!
Ahhh! You make me cry! Our oldest is turning 15 on Sat and she is counting down the days till she can date and go off to college! Time goes by so fast!! You are a great mother and you should be proud of the way you raise your family! You are an inspiration!
Man, how hard is that? Time just flies by and the next thing you know it, they are off and running! Did he decide on Nebraska? I can't remember. It's hard to see your child move so far away. One of ours moved to Charleston and the other to San Diego. Sniff sniff. At least the one with the grandchild lives here. The one child we want to move out, won't :)
Oh... I know I'm going to be a wreck... Such a great post!!!
You gave such great words of advice! We are truly blessed to have our kids raised in the gospel, it's during times of adversity they know that they can still grow and be stronger.
Mine is going to Kindergarten, and I am sure time will fly fast when he goes to college. Where is he going?
marianne, my daughter turns 15 on Sunday! they are only a day apart.
Tink- yes, he is headed out to concordia! we have already checked out the wards, there are 3 wards there. But, he is going to go to the university ward in Lincoln. I think he will enjoy the student ward. Ha, I think I will have one child who will never leave the house too! ::shakes head::
You have such a way of expressing yourself. I love how you write. And you are right no one tells you how to handle all that. I wish I could say I have taught my oldest to be like that. He isn't & he fights all that like crazy. I don't know what to do to instill self esteem on him. How to have him have Faith when he won't try at all... He wants the easy way through everything.
Great Post! I am with you - that 18 years is so short when you look back!!
It is hard to send them off but wonderful when you watch them fly!
You are a great mother - I am positive that your big, warrior, goose is going to do fabulous! It will be fun to read the stories!!
If I could I would send you a box of Kleenex - I know it's hard!!
You raised an amazing son. He will do well. I worry all the time that I'm not doing it right or doing enough. I love your words of wisdom here.
Your a good example. Right now my son wants nothing to do with the church. Wish it was different. All I can do is pray that he will have his Alma the younger moment. Since that was his favorite story when he was little. I love your words of wisdom.
WHAT????? Did you just say it is ok if your house is dirty???
I am so grateful for this post...got a few things to work on and time does fly!
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