letter to G- October

Dear G, OCTOBER
Today is a beautiful fall day in October. I know you would like the weather we have been having here. Not too hot, not too cold and just perfect enough for a light sweater or sweat shirt. Lately, I have really missed you. I long for our conversations and chats and I miss your wisdom! Our Warrior will have been actively serving his mission for almost a month now. I know you would share how proud you are of him, and your recollections of when the missionaries would visit you and how nice you thought they all were. I wanted to know how you handled your ache when you had your first son leave home to serve in the war, and I wanted you to share with me how you ever survived when you had your second son, leave home to serve in that same war? I wish I had listened more intently to those stories when Gramps would share what it was like when your third and last son would be called out and how he wrote and said that the war already had two of his sons. I can still hear your words, I can still hear your laughter. I wonder what you would think about Lady Gaga and what funny thing you would say about her. I wonder what your opinion would be about the Obama, the economy and the world affairs are. I wonder what new artists you would have liked or not liked or what would have been your new favorite songs! I miss picking up the phone and hearing you sing, MEET me in St. Louie, Louie! I miss you. I miss the updates that you would give me about each of my cousins and their families. I miss the stories of how you would tell me that Noah would come over and dunk cookies, and how much you loved Jeff for bringing him and what a good mother I am, and how I have the sweetest kids. I miss you! I miss knowing about Gina and you telling me the funny things about her sweet baby and I know you would just tell me she was adorable, and then you would tell me who you thought she looked like.
I play all these conversations in my head. Knowing how you would respond. Your birthday is coming up. I know you hate celebrating it or even mentioning it but on that day and every day you can know that you were truly loved by many! My children will still speak of you, they will openly say they miss you too and then we say how grateful we are that we even got to know you. Not many grandchildren get to have their grandma's for that long, and not many great grandchildren get to have those sweet memories that they have. Many of their friends don't have memories of their great grandparents. They are truly blessed. You helped shape their lives. To this day, Warrior's favorite cookie is pecan sandies because of you, my children can't look at your home without salivating for gum and diet ginger ale and they don't even like diet ginger ale! LOL, but they do at your house!

An Elect Lady

My Grandmother, my best friend.

She had the complete adoration of her family. Missing are over 10 people. Family meant everything to her. Her home was filled with photographic memories.

Did I mention she was my best friend?

She had a spirit that calmed the beasts and the lions. There was no dog that any of us had that she didn't love. She had a dog wall of all of her children's pets as well as grand children's pets! She had tamed a psycho rottweiler, named Macy and a sketchy pit bull, named Cletus.

She had the love that passed through all generations! All of her Great Grandchildren adored her. WE never had to force any of the greats to see her! We had to force the Great's NOT to go to Gma's! She had botterscotch, cookies and milk and diet gingerale! Always in plenty for each of them!

My Best friend is my husband,aka Mr. Incredible and second to him is my grandmother.
I call her daily and sometimes more than I call upon our Father in Heaven. Father called her home yesterday and yesterday was a day of extreme sadness that washed over me in waves at different times.

I am sad because of selfish reasons. I am sad because of the lonliness and emptiness I feel. I know she is peaceful, but she was peaceful in life. I know she is happy but she was happy here. The only thing that is better there than here is she doesn't have to deal with her arthitic pain, and with that she even minimized. Never mind she is with her beloved, another good man, after being seperated from him for 19 years! Never mind the fact that she has many others waiting to greet her, like her parents, brothers, sisters, and friends! It's about ME!! REMEMBER, and I'm missing and needing my friend!

She was able to make whomever she was talking to feel like they were the most important person in the world. She always knew or wondered where the derritive of your last name originated. Solomon, now.. is that Jew or not a Jew and then it would instantly roll into, I knew some of the nicest Jews and Solomon is a Jewish name.
She empowered me that I could do anything I wanted and inspired me to be better. If anyone wanted to know how any of the cousins or aunts or uncles were we called grandma and she would give us the latest news on everyone. She spoke fondly of all and never left the impression that she disapproved or loved one more. My grandmother could always find the good in someone which was probably the reason why she had the adoration of all who knew her.

Do you have someone in your life like that? I am saddened that there are many who have never known her or that type of love, and it hurts. I have resolved to live my life like she has. I have resolved that in order, for others to be touched and shown that type of love and acceptance that she had shown that I would attempt to carry out her legacy. I would try to emulate those very same qualities that I have endeared and cherished so much, and share them and extend them to others. I want my children to reach to me, my grandchildren too, my friends, and family. I have a lot of work to do because for too many years I have carried the judgemental mantle and the pride mantle and the critical mantle. All qualities that are obsolete in the woman I admire. I'm going to do it, I'm not going to be perfect in the beginning but I'm going to perfect it. It's the only gift back to her that I can see that would do her memory honor. Now, I pray that Heavenly Father will grant me enough time to truly make a difference.

I called her when I needed a pick me up. I called her when I was sad. I called her when I was glad. I called her just to hear her voice and her infectious laughter. There were two things that I always reached for whenever I felt down about myself or my mothering or lack of mothering abilities! I reached for the book, Glimpses and would devour the pages and search them. Glimpses into the life and heart of Marjorie Pay Hinckley. BUY IT! GET IT, READ IT!! You will find treasures in it daily. It is motivational. I also would reach for the phone and dial my grandmother and I would feel uplifted, inspired, motivated, amazed and know that I was the greatest woman, the best mother, married to a great man, and that she missed me dearly.

She filled my bucket daily. I wonder if I filled hers? Was I always taking from her bucket and not filling her bucket with wonderful tidbits of how much I truly adored her? She would always tell me how my children were so loving. She would always ask about my husband and always tell me he was such a good man, a good person, and I was so lucky to have him. She daily told me I was a good mother and she missed me.
She was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints but she knew a lot about our church. She used to have our missionaries over. The last few years we talked more about the church and she said she missed having the missionaries stop by. She enjoyed their company and always spoke about what fine young men they were. She was excited to hear that our son, would soon go on a mission as well. Now the missionaries will be able to teach her, too.

She was a devout Catholic. She faithfully vowed when she was newly married that she would bring each of her children up in the church. Each one of her children were reared in the Catholic church and sadly, all but one still attends. My dad joined the Mormon church. I think how she must have felt. I think how would I feel if one of my children left our church to join the Catholic church. I would be crushed!

True to character. My grandmother never let things get her down. She rolled with the punches. She resolved by stating, "Hey, there's only ONE GOD, and we all worship him." I remember a time when one grandchild moved in to live with someone without being married first. Instead of being disheveled she replied," Hey, it's the nineties!", when one of her talk show hosts came out that she was Gay, I thought that would break her, but Grandma said, " I still like her, she is a good person, she does so much good for others but why does she have to be gay?." Always a sunny side. Always lemonade, and the glass is always half full! I'm sure she looked through life with rose colored glasses. If there is one thing that I could have of hers I hope it is her rose colored glasses!

I thought I was her favorite, and then while talking to my cousins I realized that they too felt like they were her favorite! What a wonderful fabulous gift to posess. To have the ability to love so purely so that everyone felt like they were most precious and dear to her. It didn't matter what your past was, what you did or didn't do, she loved you for being you and everyone could feel that. She was the example of pure love.

I imagine this is how Christ loves each of us. While in his presence you felt no evil, no sadness, but pure content and happiness. I felt one with the world and my cares soon faded and reality set in that I am blessed. Do you have a person like that in your life? Cherish that relationship.

From the time I was old enough to dial her number my mom would tell me what numbers to press and I would be able to talk to my grandmother. I am now without any grandparents. They have moved on to their next stage and I am left to finish out this stage in life. I can remember dialing her number at the age of five. Just to talk to her. I was lucky and she lived just a hop skip and a jump away.

I would walk to her house first after school and tell her about school drama as I soaked my woes in milk and cookies and when I got older I would SNEAK in her fridge and sip on SWEET TEA, even though I knew I shouldn't and couldn't have it! It was my vice! Then grandma would tell me, "Crissy, your mother is going to get mad at me". So, to keep her an honest woman, I sneaked that wicked juice when no one was around. It took me a long time to break that craving. Probably 6 years after I left for college, yet I still panged for it and would make iced herbal tea, still not the same, so I just gave up on tea all together!

A blogger friend of mine, recently lost her son in a hiking accident. She has a daughter who wrote letters to her brother. It seemed to be very therapeutic and healing. I think I will write a few letters on my blog to my Grandma too. Perhaps, instead of reaching for the phone, I will type her a letter! Blogging is so therapeutic for me! I love it!


PS.  11/24/14 - over 4 years later and I don't reach for the phone but I still long to call her. I called her number until it no longer rang and the number was disconnected. That was a sad day too!