Sometimes, it is so hard to let go of our will and turn everything completely over to the Lord. It is easier to give our lives over to the Lord when everything is going smoothly, no rough waters ahead. Fear can set in tendencies to keep what we have, to paralyze us. Having the faith and the strength to put our life into the Lord's hands is blind faith.
Many say they have the faith and they trust in the Lord but when pushed or challenged many falter. Whether it be with tithing, church attendance, temple attendance or letting go of your will.
I am always reminded of the Indiana Jones Movie, tombstone where they have to take the leap of faith. And when we submit to the Lord's will Heavenly Father is always there to surround us with his love and security. Our testimonies and families are strengthened and our convictions grow deeper.
My full submission to the Lord's will came when Dash was six months old. This was Dash's second time getting RSV. A very life threatening condition for premature babies. I had struggled all day with Dash and his feedings. He would always choke out and stop breathing. He would turn glorious shades of blues and purple and the fast plummeting sounds of the alarms would beep faster and the heart monitor alarms would beep slower and I would hear the piercing blood curdling high pitch alarm which would indicate we were in grave danger. Through the grace of God,I pulled him through each time. These episodes became the norm right before he would get really sick.
I had left for a church meeting and Mr. Incredible took over. Our baby had finally worn down and the ambulance was called out three times to our home by our 9 yr. old, Warrior. A young boy who was asked to become a man, making and giving crucial information to the 911 operator.
Mr. Incredible could not bring him around and he was rushed via ambulance to the closest hospital. Mr. Incredible had started CPR on Dash until the paramedics arrived. He ever so lightly puffed as we were trained to do, he could hear the clogged flem escape from his passage way. Sweetheart who was 2 1/2 yrs. old was traumatized by this night. For a full year each time she heard sirens or saw emergency lights she would scream in utter terror and wet herself. WE worked hard to help her through this.
This bout of RSV was severe. He needed to be transported to a different hospital but was not stable enough to make the transport. They felt they would lose him if they transported him. We were stuck in a hospital that could not help him. I watched five skilled people attend to him and watched his lips continue to turn to a sickly grey.
Dash needed a blessing. I didn't care that it was 2am. He needed one and woke the whole ward looking for one who could attend and get there quickly. Doctors were skeptical and lurked near by as a blessing was given. Very shortly, Dash stabilized and was capable of being transported.
I did not leave his side. I did not shower. I did not sleep, I did not eat. Mr. Incredible took care of EVERYTHING! He worked from home, he took care of three children, he cooked for them every night and he cleaned. He truly is amazing.
How many men do you know can step up like that?
Eleven days had gone by and I was getting snippy with everyone and agitated with the nurses. I HAD to hit the nurse call button many times when I finally panicked and would shout, "GET IN HERE" He's NOT BREATHING!!as I watched his sat levels drop to single digits. I did not feel at anytime that I could leave his side. I didn't want my baby to hit a code blue before the nurses would enter his room. So, I stood vigil.
I broke down in tears and in frustration and Mr. Incredible adamantly insisted that I go home and see our other children, that I take a shower and get some sleep. I surprisingly, went without resistance. He would be there for Dash.
Before I left doctors arrived with disappointing news. Dash needed to make a change for the better or they would paralyze him and intubate him so the machines would breathe for him. If they had to do this it would not be a good sign. I left the hospital knowing that I might receive a phone call that he had passed.
I arrived home and I took a much needed hot shower. In the shower, I poured my soul unto the Lord. I couldn't go on like this anymore. I couldn't take it anymore. I had fought with every ounce that I had to keep my son, here on earth with me. I felt like as hard as I was fighting to keep him here with me, forces were fighting to take him.
I gave complete will over to Heavenly Father. If he wanted him, he could take him because I was through. I couldn't carry on like this anymore. My fight was over. If He needed him more than I He should take him.
Many say they have the faith and they trust in the Lord but when pushed or challenged many falter. Whether it be with tithing, church attendance, temple attendance or letting go of your will.
I am always reminded of the Indiana Jones Movie, tombstone where they have to take the leap of faith. And when we submit to the Lord's will Heavenly Father is always there to surround us with his love and security. Our testimonies and families are strengthened and our convictions grow deeper.
My full submission to the Lord's will came when Dash was six months old. This was Dash's second time getting RSV. A very life threatening condition for premature babies. I had struggled all day with Dash and his feedings. He would always choke out and stop breathing. He would turn glorious shades of blues and purple and the fast plummeting sounds of the alarms would beep faster and the heart monitor alarms would beep slower and I would hear the piercing blood curdling high pitch alarm which would indicate we were in grave danger. Through the grace of God,I pulled him through each time. These episodes became the norm right before he would get really sick.
I had left for a church meeting and Mr. Incredible took over. Our baby had finally worn down and the ambulance was called out three times to our home by our 9 yr. old, Warrior. A young boy who was asked to become a man, making and giving crucial information to the 911 operator.
Mr. Incredible could not bring him around and he was rushed via ambulance to the closest hospital. Mr. Incredible had started CPR on Dash until the paramedics arrived. He ever so lightly puffed as we were trained to do, he could hear the clogged flem escape from his passage way. Sweetheart who was 2 1/2 yrs. old was traumatized by this night. For a full year each time she heard sirens or saw emergency lights she would scream in utter terror and wet herself. WE worked hard to help her through this.
This bout of RSV was severe. He needed to be transported to a different hospital but was not stable enough to make the transport. They felt they would lose him if they transported him. We were stuck in a hospital that could not help him. I watched five skilled people attend to him and watched his lips continue to turn to a sickly grey.
Dash needed a blessing. I didn't care that it was 2am. He needed one and woke the whole ward looking for one who could attend and get there quickly. Doctors were skeptical and lurked near by as a blessing was given. Very shortly, Dash stabilized and was capable of being transported.
I did not leave his side. I did not shower. I did not sleep, I did not eat. Mr. Incredible took care of EVERYTHING! He worked from home, he took care of three children, he cooked for them every night and he cleaned. He truly is amazing.
How many men do you know can step up like that?
Eleven days had gone by and I was getting snippy with everyone and agitated with the nurses. I HAD to hit the nurse call button many times when I finally panicked and would shout, "GET IN HERE" He's NOT BREATHING!!as I watched his sat levels drop to single digits. I did not feel at anytime that I could leave his side. I didn't want my baby to hit a code blue before the nurses would enter his room. So, I stood vigil.
I broke down in tears and in frustration and Mr. Incredible adamantly insisted that I go home and see our other children, that I take a shower and get some sleep. I surprisingly, went without resistance. He would be there for Dash.
Before I left doctors arrived with disappointing news. Dash needed to make a change for the better or they would paralyze him and intubate him so the machines would breathe for him. If they had to do this it would not be a good sign. I left the hospital knowing that I might receive a phone call that he had passed.
I arrived home and I took a much needed hot shower. In the shower, I poured my soul unto the Lord. I couldn't go on like this anymore. I couldn't take it anymore. I had fought with every ounce that I had to keep my son, here on earth with me. I felt like as hard as I was fighting to keep him here with me, forces were fighting to take him.
I gave complete will over to Heavenly Father. If he wanted him, he could take him because I was through. I couldn't carry on like this anymore. My fight was over. If He needed him more than I He should take him.
As I stepped out of the shower, toweled my wet body, the phone rang and my heart sank. (I had just tempted the Lord) I didn't want to answer it. Caller ID confirmed it was the hospital. He was getting stronger. There was no need to intubate. My deepest desire was answered.
I know what it is to give your will over completely to the Lord. I know what it is to take that complete leap of faith when everything else is dark. I know what it is to be caught in the encircling arms of our Father's love. I know that because of these trials I am stronger. I K NOW.
Please share your leap of faith story! If you are teary eyed and would like a roller coaster of mood swings please visit the post below or click here, Dragged through the dirt. Just watch the video!
