It's raining It's pouring....

It has been sprinkling small amounts of blessings and little miracles around our home for a few weeks. Simple blessings of having people pick my Sunday mornings up at work, so I wouldn't have to go in. I have not had to work a Sunday in almost 3 months. Each time I plan to work my shift I put out one last plea and someone answers it. What a blessing.

We had a tough few weeks financially when Warrior went to college and then Mr. Incredible had to take 3 days off for an interview. Essentially, that was 2 wks without being paid. Because he was out of town for a week, it did not offer the opportunity for me to work extra hours. We took a hard hit financially. Timing was wretched. It fell during a time where we needed to purchase college essentials, gasoline out there, and school for our other 3 children would start. I was internally freaking out. I didn't know how we would do it, but I knew we were worthy of some instant blessings and I never complained, openly or silently to Mr. Incredible or our Father in Heaven.

The heavens were opened above and blessings didn't just rain but they poured. For years we have received gift cards as presents, thank you's etc. I do not do well with gift cards. We always forget to use them, they get lost or tossed out, or we just forget to bring them with us.

I cleaned out my desk and went through each gift card online to determine the balance if any. Between department gift cards, certificates and restraunts. We totalled almost $700.00. So, if you see us dining out or grabbing an ice cream or at the movies. Please don't assume. We are spending our gift cards. What a great time to use these.
It adds normalacy back to the children's lives. It helps them to forget that times are hard and good times are to come eventually.

I also decided it was time to cash 4 checks that I have been saving for a rainy day. The rainy day came. WE also found $150 in food certificates! Way cool, because things were looking sparse again and the children have still yet to accept powdered milk.

Being self sufficient and self reliant was something that I held up proudly and on a pedestal. However, we have reached our depths. We are not self reliant or self sufficient. My parents have helped us tremendously. We would have sunk months ago.

The epitomy of the depths of darkness came when I had to swallow all sense of pride and turn to the church for a food order. I felt like I was going to die and my heart ached. It literally made me physically sick that I realized I would need to place this call. I did it for the welfare of my family. Had it been only me. I would still not have made that call. AMAZINGLY, Father in heaven felt my prayer and answered by showering me with these cards. After viewing the total on the cards my heart lept! I was so thankful that we had not used those cards.

I could be self reliant and spend those cards on everything that I needed to get my children the necessities for school.

I document this more for our records. So, that we can look back and be so thankful.
$35 to Omega. I used this towards Dash's sneakers.
$100 to Target. Beauty got a birthday outfit,with shoes. This works, for her birthday, school and church! TRIPLE SCORE
$40 to Target- Purchased school supplies, and Sweetheart's school uniform shirts.
$300 to Walmart - Purchases Dash's school uniform shirts, school supplies and food.
$150 in restraunt cards. (when you want to feel normal, again)
$30 in movie theater cards. (will probably go to the girls so they can go out with their friends)
Those checks which totalled almost $300.00- We will use this for gas
$150 food certifcates to a grocery store.
Mr. Incredible found $100.00- I put it there and I needed to only use a part of it, and forgot about the other $100.00
In my camera bag I had $65.00, that was my photo session fee.

I was overwhelmed with pure joy and astonished with amazement that my deepest desires were once again answered. Father knew it was important to me to have the necessities for my children to start school but more important that I would never ask. He provided a way. I think it was sufficient enough for Him that I humbled myself to ask for help. I think he knew it would send me over the edge if I needed to ask for anything more.

WE had an amazing stake conference. Our Stake President spoke about being in the 4th watch and we needed to excercise patience and Christ would answer. I had remarked to Mr. Incredible that I felt we were in the 4th watch. It has been 7 months and I have been so positive and so faithful and hopeful that I am beginning to become impatient. More desperate. He leaned over to me and whispered, " That means we are in the third watch! It means you are just now getting to learn the concept of patience and endurance." I was shocked. I felt like I was slapped. "WHAT?" He continued, " You have to learn patience now." Dumbfounded, I stammmered, " I would have become impatient 3 months ago, had I known!!

Can my waistline take the 4th watch? Can I mentally? I don't know. But, I do know that this is not the end. The light will come and when it does I will be ready, open and receptive to doing whatever it is He would have me do. I'm so thankful for my lessons as a youth and in the YW program. Press forward and go forth in faith!

What road are you on?

Ever feel like you are on this road and you just can't get off?? I feel like I have been optimistic and hopeful and maintained the stoic resilient being. But, I gotta tell ya this is getting old! My physical self doesn't handle stress well. I am not happy with the expanding waist size.

While I watch each of my children break down at different times it crushes and pangs my heart to no end! We knew the transition after our wonderful 3 Sunday vacay would be hard. Sweetheart, broke down the first week Mr. Incredible had to leave early Sunday morning and that left an open wound upon Mr. Incredible's heart. When I found out, initially I was really angry at her. We have to send Mr. Incredible on the road believing that all will be fine. We need him in the best of spirits. She told me that she tried hard not to break down and cry when Daddy left but she just couldn't help it and then she broke down and wailed. She felt guilty and so bad that she had shown him her true emotion, and then I cried with her and hugged her and told her she was so special and so loved. She knows he must go and she knows that this is necessary, but knowing things doesn't mean you have to like it.

Week two, after vacay Dash has a break down. Mr. Incredible was kneeling at our bedside saying his prayers silently. Mr. Incredible realized that Dash was kneeling across from him saying his prayers and that he had prayed just as long as just as intently. When Dash finished his silent prayer. Mr. Incredible asked what he was praying for. His prayers were as innocent and pure as a child's should be and they were very direct. Mr. Incredible took heed from Dash's example and realized, he too needed to be as a little child and ask specifically for the desires of his heart. He realized he did not have to beat around a bush, he should be direct and ask directly.

Dash was inconsolable. With each salty warm tear that streaked his face my heart shattered into a million peices and then some. He couldn't utter a word. He could only sob and it would have been easier if you had just plunged a knife through my heart. I can handle anything but I can't handle seeing my children ache. I just can't. Each week the children ask if their dad will be able to go to church with them and each week his reply is no. I know their heart drops because mine does too. But, no tears just drive safe daddy have a good trip.

I think the hardest part for everyone is Mr. Incredible not being able to attend church with us. Our church is so late, it is 2:30pm!! TWO FREAKIN THIRTY! I have decided in order for our family to be together that when he is home we would attend another ward's services. It is what's best for our family now. It's better that we attend as a family and partake of the sacrament together and be edified than to go to our ward without Mr. Incredible.

We are still professionally unemployed. We thank Heavenly Father multiple times throughout the day for employment by my parents! HUGE HUGE blessings! Truly with out this employment life would SUCK!! BIG TIME!!! I shutter to think where we would be.

Approaching our six month anniversary of being unemployed brings a multitude of feelings. Feelings of gratitude and amazement! I can't believe we survived. I can't believe how blessed our family has been, I can't believe the out pouring love and support we have recieved from family! Seriously, we have the best family ever on both sides! My kids are so blessed to have such heritage. I can't believe it isn't more difficult. (OUCH, that is not a request for more)

Mr. Incredible has interviewed for another firm, very similar to his last employment. A better position and most likely more $$, it is also located right here. I can't even bring myself to hope because it is far better to prepare for the worse and be pleasantly surprised. August 11th is a second interview with the big wigs. So, if I hold out till August 11th for their little pow-wow, how much longer must we wait to know if we are hired?? Here is my time frame. Warior has to be in Nebraska August 14th. Dash has a big baseball tournament August 14-16th, and Beauty's birthday is on the 16th not to mention school begins the next week! HELLO!!

I NEED TO GET OFF THIS ROAD

CAUSE I AM SO OVER THIS!!!!

Don't worry I have a counter post coming next.

Promises

I promised:

I promised I would blog my journey of ups and downs through the moment and not waiting until after the storm. Today is a stormy day for me.

I am stressed. Normally, I am positive and my vision is clear. The goal or finish line is always in sight and my shoulder is always to the wheel. (sing it: Push your shoulder to the wheel push along, Do your duty with a heart full of song, we all have work let no one shirk, put your shoulder to the wheel)! ::stomps foot and pouts:: Well, my shoulder hurts! and I don't want to push anymore. I need to rest.

I would be one of those pioneers on the plains complaining and saying I can't do it anymore. Think of Emma and her ox! If you are not Mormon, you will have no idea what this means or clue of the song above. I can handle stresses just not financial stresses. WE went through our financial stress while we were young and in college with two babies. I know financial stress. I have been there.

Financially we are not there yet, but the dreaded fear of revisiting that time is enough to put me in a looney bin. I want to retreat and curl into a fetal position.
I promise I won't retreat

No firm offers have been placed and it is March. Perhaps I have been too optimistic. I thought we would at least have a firm offer or choice by now. Many say it has only been a month but really it has been 2 months. We knew before the first of January that Feb. 2nd would be his last day. It is already into March and many great prospects but nothing. Hope is there but I seemed to have lost my faith, today.
I promise I won't lose Hope

The resounding words of ENDURE keep breaking through. I know the right thing to do, I know the right attitude to have. I just can't do it, today. Today, I am taking a break. I am climbing into the wagon and not pushing the wheel. Today, Mr. Incredible has to pull the cart by himself. Can you do you it honey? I'm so sorry.


I promise I will be better tomorrow
I promise I will endure despite the fact I can't see the end.
I promise I will be stronger, but for today I'm taking a break.
But the place where I made my most important promises and covenants are still clear and bright.

I PROMISE NEVER to let go of those vows made no matter how strong the storm or long the trial! (with you by my side I can succeed) I promise....

STRESS signs

I think I am handling things really well. If you don't know what I am referring to click on this and catch up, then be sure to come back.



GLAD YOU'RE BACK!

I have chosen to share my storm in the moment publicly on my blog. This will be a first for me ever, even in real life. I have never shared the moment of the trial until after I have successfully overcome and the trial is nothing but a memory.

I am grateful for this little hiccup in life. I like the changes that it has implemented in my personal life as well as our family life. We fasted as a family this past Sunday, specifically for our family. It was so sweet and has a special en graven memory on my heart.

I really like this song with the lyrics. It makes me laugh. I also like seeing the Young Liza, at work. I sing this in my head also.



I put on a happy face and I smile and I disguise my voice so that it is exceptionally cheery. Perhaps, my tone is a little bit higher than normal and my grin a little wider than normal. But, to the average schmo no one would catch it. When asked how are you doing, I say "Great!" and I truly believe that.

However, my body has seemed to betray me and has chosen to hold a death grip onto each calorie I consume. Why?? Ugh, I have convinced myself to slow down and not over work. I keep telling myself everything will be fine. I know it will. I know that my body and mind are strong but my immune system is weak!

I can't even lie to Mr. Incredible anymore when I tell him, "I am OK" or I say, "I am fine. I'm not worried."Because staring right back at him as he looks into my gorgeous big brown eyes is this HIDEOUS RIDICULOUS Benedict Arnold COLD SORE! and there is not one sign of a cold.

When Mr. Incredible and I first married I would get huge cankers all over the inside of my mouth and these cankers all over my upper lip. I would inhale bottles of L-lysine and vitamin C to try to prevent an outbreak and try to make these nasty sores go away. WE would have to sink money into Abreva it runs about $15 for a small tube over the counter. The first years were very stressful on me, and I was in denial then too.

I was going to post a picture. But, I just looked at it and it's too gross to share! Just use your vivid imaginations. Picture puss. Yeah, now your imagination is worse than what it really looks like. YOU'RE WELCOME! :my pleasure:

My head and skin suffers. All of the moisture and natural oils of my body get depleted. I don't know where they go but I am starting to entertain the thought of seeking an opening for a Circus. I could be the freak woman with Alligator skin. Would you pay to come see me? I might bite ya just a little, if it would bring more tips. It could be worse. I could have boils! and for that I am grateful that I don't.
My signs are
Dry skin
Dry hair
Cankers
Cold sores
Weight gain.
What are your signs that your body is under stress?

But, seriously. Life is good. WE are fine and God is merciful. I step forward into the dark without trepidation and with faith. I know that if this is the journey that we must walk that I am not alone. He is with me. I also accept and heed the voice of warning for food storage, debt free life, and savings. I know that consequences both good and bad are the direct result to my obedience to these laws.

MG