Voodoo Hex...Boo hiss hiss boo

It has been some time since I have blogged or even checked on the blogging world. The introduction of myself and facebook seems to be the demise of my little blog and all those who live in the elusive blog world. Well, that and we still have "dial up" internet connection. INSERT HUGE: sigh of disgust!

On the same day that I wrote the Suicide post. We had received an email from Warrior saying that some things were happening in his mission field with he and a few of his companions but really not to worry. Of course when your missionary tells you not to worry, YOU WORRY!.. duh! WE had a week of worry before we could hear from him again. He felt if he could get through this last transfer that all would be right in the world again. Sadly, the last transfer never happened.

Ever since that email things have been a worry and a worry throughout the week. Please realize that this was over two months ago. You can't talk to your missionary nor did I know that parents can actually call the mission president. Hmm... Anyway, by the end of the week we learned that there should be worry. However, things were very vague.

On the home front, I had felt very impressed to prepare our office into a guest room. Beauty had been complaining that every time we have guests she had to give her room up. Her room is also on the opposite end of the house and has its own private bathroom. But, I listened to her woes and decided that I could very well make our office into a guest room. So, I scoured the internet for the perfect bed. I already had lamps, end tables, and dressers for the room. It was complete.

Friday night the Bishop asked to come over to talk to us about Warrior. I don't believe he knew we had an inclination of trouble in the mission. He looked quite surprised to see a bed in the office. It was our first night to actually talk to Warrior.

A few months prior to this I had a dream that woke me clear out of the bed and had me disturbed. I wrote to Warrior about it. In my dream I had heard the doorbell ring. I went to the door and answered it and there was Warrior standing before me with the biggest brightest smile on. I embraced him, to where I could feel the warmth of his chest, and the strength of his embrace around me. I kissed him and he kissed me. It was so real. After pushing him back so I could gaze upon his gorgeous face, I called him by name and said,"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" He said, he just wanted to see me. I laughed at him and told him to get back out on his mission. He turned and smiled and said, "ok, mom". It left me scared. I never felt that he would be coming home. I felt that he may be in grave physical danger; that perhaps he might die. I wrote him to be extremely careful, to stand in holy places.

We had no iota what this could be about. But, understood it could mean he could come home. I couldn't imagine what it could be. Warrior did not believe that he would or could be in jeopardy of being sent home. He had heard of stories and seen missionaries who had done worse. So, I truly don't believe that he was even prepared for his news. The scenarios that went through my mind raged like a wildfire through a parched forest. Could it be girl problems, could he have lost his testimony, was he gay? Yeah, right... well my mind plays horrible scenarios.

Prayers and tears and pleas and hours in the temple and on bended knee for what is best for him has brought Warrior home. There was no disciplinary action taken against him, he didn't have to have endless meetings with the stake. He has always held the priesthood and the only thing he could NOT do was partake of sacrament his first Sunday but was able to the next. He was given a calling the next Sunday. So, all these good worthy things, why is he home?
Prior to the decision if he would come home were questions that seem ridiculous to me, How strong is his mother, his father, would his siblings leave the church? Is he the first to serve a mission in the family? They take more into account about the entire family in general prior to deciding. Which Warrior did not understand. You can not compare yourself against another. What keeps one out, may send you home. It is individual and by the spirit. Perhaps, they were newly converted, weren't reared in the church, or just plain didn't have such FREAKING AWESOME PARENTS as you! For whatever reason you are home and others are not. I understand you keeping your silence on some things but then I wonder if other missionaries hadn't kept their silence would you have had to deal with those same experiences?

My angst comes from so many different stories that were passed to Warrior from the Mission President. One moment we hear Salt Lake has said it is up to the mission president if he stays or not, in my head. If SL says they support whatever the pres says then he has a good shot of staying. Warrior's mission president was just put in, perhaps no longer than 6 months. His first day as Mission President Warrior was in a car accident, which involved no other vehicles just a dirt road and a tree. Then we heard SL says no he has to go home, however they will allow him to go back out and finish his mission, if he so desires.

KEY POINTS I want to make clear as I share that I do not want clouded or misunderstood as I write my feelings.
We love his mission President. Could he have relayed and had better communication skills or even talked to parents involved. MOST DEFINITELY. It would have been nice that he answered a few emails and let us know that our boy got off safely to the airport. It would have been nice to ensure that a young man, has enough money to cover his baggage prior to just dropping him off at the airport and leaving him. So...nice is nice or considerate or treating another's son the way you would have one treat yours. But, I know unless you go through this, you wouldn't know.  Do you realize whether fault or not you are always sending someone home deflated defeated and broken?
I blame no one. Ultimately it was Warrior's decisions and lack of decisions that brought him home. END OF STORY! He takes his blame for his part. I understand this as well. However, where were the others? How was this one missionary allowed to stay in the field up to two weeks prior to finishing his two year mission and NOT ONE, NOT ONE person mentioned this issue? How did it manage to go so long? Other missionaries had said they knew about this. Warrior asked to be changed but his President felt he was strong enough or needed to be there. (hindsight is always 20/20)

I have many words of advice to Mission Presidents. One don't put a missionary for 3 transfers with missionaries who are all going home. Spread that out. Some missionaries finish strong, some could care less about mission rules, some worry about being in shape, and some can only focus on college entrance exams. Therefore, it is hard on another to motivate and get their companion out the door much less, pray. THREE transfer trunkies in a row, is NOT a good call.  If you hear rumors check it out.

I have advice for soon to be missionary moms. Words of advice to your sons. Yes, you will be someone's baby sitter. Yes, you are your brother's keeper. Yes, it is your job to make them get up, to make them read, to make them follow rules. YES! You are your brother's keeper AND if they won't do it, you sing like a canary to the mission president zone leaders etc.  Being a missionary is like being in the front lines. Do your duty to protect yourself first and your buddy will be as well.

Although, I know and felt that the best place for Warrior to grow and heal and learn again is home under our roof with our love and guidance does not temper the pain, hurt and disappointment. I feel let down by many. I feel he was let down as well. I know that ultimately it is Warrior's decisions, but what one knows is true doesn't always calm the emotion or the heart. We as his parents have given him all of his life saving, eternal saving things that he needs the day he entered temple and took out his endowments. Yes, a huge sigh and weight of relief and worry was lifted the day he left the temple endowed. The rest is clearly up to him how he will write his own book of life. It was one of the hardest things to live through to welcome a home a son who is broken, when you last some him bright eyed and excited to serve. It's a completely different thing to watch your child go through depression and have to nurse him and worry for him. I think it is so much easier to nurse a physical illness or sickness but to rebuild and grow self confidence and perhaps even to waken a testimony again takes hours of prayer, patience and much frustration is there as well, because you are dealing with your own issues but have to put those aside for the welfare of your child.  It is our 100% purpose to nurture and love him back. It is so easy for one to fully lose their testimony when it takes this big of a hit.  I want to say I have the most amazing loving ward. I gathered them and they have wrapped their arms around me and have wrapped their arms around Warrior.  Through their love they have strengthened us all and our Bishop has been great too.  Our family is strong, we are fighters, we have tenacity and when push comes to shove we are pushing! One for all and all for one and I so love how my children are like glue! I'm so happy that Mr. Incredible and I have each other and have fortitude and strength that we have built our little family on for this very moment. We are resilient. We are Solomon!

When you have a child come home from a mission, not because they are sick, injured or dead. Members of the church do not know how to succor or how to even speak to the person. It is a death. However, it is a death unacknowledged. When someone loses a child, or a loved one. Flowers are sent, meals are prepared, and an out pouring of love and support surrounds that family. You aren't met with eyes of please explain, give more details, judgement or eyes of pity. People don't know what to say. It is looked upon with shame.

I don't look at my son with shame. Never have and never will. His mission president told him to walk into church on Sunday with his head held high. I told him if he can walk through the halls of the temple with your head held high you can walk anywhere with your head held higher! .

I have had much anticipation about this day. Warrior felt like his first Sunday back would be one of the hardest. I want to say that we belong to one of the greatest wards possible. He was met with love and understanding and many hugs. Some surprise but all within a controlled loving concern of truly understanding that this is not only my son, but God's son.
I know that others were looking for sadness or a hint of something in my eyes. But, it would not be found. I am so thankful and grateful that Warrior was there by our side. We love and support our son. He is on the path and what more can a parent ask for? It is important that we work on Warrior and his perception of himself. Not on what others may think of me, my mothering or parenting skills. This is a blip in time. I never saw this or dreamed that we would be on this path. However, I am. I do not hold my head in shame. This is not my trial, this is his. If he chooses to go out and finish his mission, it is his choice. If he chooses to stay and go to college they are both choices that he and he alone can only make.
I reflect back on the day when Warrior went through the temple. I literally felt a weight taken from my shoulders. I felt like this was the moment, a significant moment. From this point on he would be walking his own path.

No one asked him to give a talk about his mission. The last month does not define or negate the wonderful work that he did on his mission. The baptisms the experiences. When he came home he was so excited to share pictures and stories of all the things that happened. I'm so proud of you. I'm proud of the mission and the service you rendered and can't wait to see where this takes you. I'm so grateful for our friends who asked him all the great questions about his mission and about what he loved serving and was there for support and love. I love the fact that genuinely our ward members wanted him to be well.

He was told he would be able to serve again but not back to the same mission. He was really disappointed about that. The process to get back out is very new. It doesn't happen often. Salt lake was slow and going back and forth with the stake president was weekly check ups.  I think it was the not knowing.  We were thinking it would be just a few weeks and had someone told us, No, its basically a mandatory 6 months it would have subsided much angst and frustration of WHEN!

Those 6 months were the hardest trying months for me as his mother. I would ask are you doing what you are suppose to do? Did you read the BOM again? Well, you don't have anything to do, you should have that read in a week! Get up, you are sleeping too much, you aren't doing anything. Warrior you need to be engaged in things. I was frustrated!! I had no idea that he was experiencing and going through depression and I was the pusher, the let's go, I was the JERK, for lack of a better description, JERK about sums it up! He was. He didn't realize it. I didn't realize it. Mr. Incredible did.  He had written him this most amazing loving letter for Warrior to read on the plane when he boarded in California! As a parent, it is hard. Hard to watch your child go through this, hard to motivate and hard to sit idle and let them navigate their lives. Warrior was just not reacting to things the way I would. It frustrated me to no end.  This single event and 6 months has put a crack in our relationship. I think I'm not so whatever you say.  I always have an opinion and am obstinate but when it comes to discipline with the children I know I am a bit more harsh and he usually comes in and sweeps it away or negates the punishment I gave out.  If I say grounded for a week and no tv, he will have them grounded for 2 days and tv. Or If I react and say you can't go anywhere until your chores are done, he will get up and do their chores for them.  It never truly bothered me until this moment of a returned son home early from a mission.  Mr. Incredible has always been there to share the burden or the consequence and this burden and consequence he can't share.  ALSO, ALL of a sudden Mr. Incredible wants to KNOW what I would do or wants my opinion.  I was not happy with that. I should have realized he was at his wits end, too.  But, instead I said, " NO, you always thought my way was too harsh, always came in and changed it, so you work it out.  It brought things into focus.  My upbringing was harsh. I knew that when I disciplined it was harsh but Mr. Incredible would even it out. I knew I was upset that if I yelled at the kids he would get up and do their chore, but I really didn't care who did it, I just wanted it done. It brought things in line with you don't make consequences if there is no accountability.  So, I threw my hands up and said fine! You got it. It has also opened up a door that I never realized I allowed to stay shut. It was just the simple rolls we fell into and expectations we had for each other! Joy in the Journey! Do I want to open this door and walk through or am I content enough to keep it how things have always been?

I have to say that when Warrior came home battled and wounded Mr. Incredible was the one who put me in focus and didn't allow me to be so short sighted. It isn't nor does it matter if he chooses to go out again. He said, I am more worried about our eternal family about him and his eternal outlook. I could care less about what he chooses to do I want him to remain rooted and strong and remember what it's all about. Mr. Incredible was thinking long term. WE needed to help our boy remember the teachings that were rehearsed and actually put them into action . We want him to remain on the path and understand this is but a moment we have an eternity of happiness and joy but you have to remain on the path.

Perfect Together

Aren't these words so true? I was 19 and Mr. Incredible was 23 when we married! So, bright eyed and young. I come from a family where my mother and father are very equal in some things and in other things my mother is clearly the matriarch. My dad while we were young was a truck driver, who worked for others. He was gone a lot and my mom had to run the house, bills and take care of 3 children.  My dad had always provided a good way of life, I remember my mom being able to take any class she desired and any craft she wanted to do. I remember always going to the grocery store and having 2 grocery carts full and our favorite treats and cereal in the pantry. We didn't vacation much, other than to Hawaii to see my grandparents but the rest of my dad's family lived in or near the same town. So, although Disney wasn't a part of my childhood. I never felt deprived. WE always went to the amusement park near by and tickets and food were readily available. We always went to the carnivals that would pass through town and cotton candy and rides were given out until we were done riding. (something that my children didn't hear. I didn't like spending money on carnivals and cotton candy what fleeting happiness. I'd rather spend it on clothes or trips)

The Mr. was brought up in a similar but different family. His was more Patriarch ruled. But, his dad was home each night and he was so much older than his mother. I remember her saying that she would have to ask to spend money on her things. I never saw that in my family. My dad's money was my mom's money and she allocated where the dollars went and how it was spent.  Mr. Incredible's dad handled finances until he passed. So, I am sure that viewing my life and mannerisms were strange to her and erred on the side of criticism and I being young couldn't see or understand the differences. 

Being a mother in law myself has been very rewarding and good. I love my daughter in law. I have known her since Warrior's junior year of high school.  While he was a senior I didn't see it ending in marriage because of the years ahead of them, so I didn't view her as a daughter-in-law but liked her. But, they continued to stay in touch through college, through a mission and back again and have married. She is very much like me! We are crafty, funny, silly and she is so giving and tender. I love those things about her. She too, has a different background. Her parents didn't have the gospel in their lives so she sees life and situations a bit differently. Different doesn't mean wrong or bad, it just means different. I know that together they will make things work perfectly for them. 

I hope they are as stubborn and strong and pigheaded as we were! I hope they fight hard for what they believe, even if it means fighting against each other. If you are passionate for it don't cave in. BUT do come to a mutual agreement to disagree or to UNDERSTAND another's point of view. You don't have to change their point of view but you can understand and respect it. I hope they are fighters not with each others but I hope they have passion to stand up for what they know is right, stand up for each other and fight! It is that passion and determination that is going to carry you through the hard times. You will be too stubborn to give up and when you want to the other won't let go and won't let you! And if they want to give up you will be the one holding on and not letting go. Don't give up, it's the easy way out.  Life and temple marriage was never promised to be easy but it will be worth it, and when you look up, one day you will have 25+ years of marriage behind you and your passions will have been worn and bridled or perhaps your passions have become his or his yours. 

Perfect isn't flawless, perfect is perfect for you! Seek answers and advice from within the walls of the temple. Many friends and family and strangers will tell you what they think. Take it in as entertainment and then pray about what you may want to work or change or try in your marriage.

Now that we have more time with each other because our children are older we get to enjoy these little mid day get aways! What a beautiful season we are in! Not quite empty nesters but having so much more time and money for us! 

WE have come along way and have journeyed a path that was walked before by others and I have felt the encouragement and the love from others who have passed along the way! Clapping and applauding each step we make and uplifting and and carrying each stubbed toe or stumble! I'm grateful for our ancestors and I'm grateful for the long marriages that we have on both sides. What a beautiful legacy.  Because Eternal Marriage is what is all about! Welcome to our Family Warrior Princess

 

Eating out is bonding time

Usually after a game or if we are out late we eat out. Eating out for us is bonding time! We have fun light hearted conversations and we can have deep heated conversations. It just depends on what the topic is! Dash was feeling very affectionate towards his big brother! Time spent with each other is time well spent! I love my beautiful life! Can it get any better?

Decisions Determine Our Destiny!

When I lived in MO our Relief Society made 12x12 Tiles with vinyl lettering that read "Decisions Determine our Destiny", it is a quote from our prophet Thomas S. Monson which was first given in 1979!  and then more recently he gave an address found here.

Today I opened up my instagram and my heart got an INSTANT HUG or should I say an INSTA hug? I've seen this quote many times and we have it in our home but it meant more because it was posted by WARRIOR! I love him so and even though he is married and just recently celebrated his 24th birthday I still worry for him. Perhaps, it is because he is my first born but he makes my heart smile. Maybe because he was the brave one who chose to forge the way and take a chance on me that I would be the best mother to him which then convinced his three siblings to take a chance on me to be their mother and for that I am eternally grateful!

But this 24 year old man, who will always be my little boy, still loves his birthdays and celebrates them an moments with families with the same vigor that he had when he was 20 years younger! I love that!

 
But, he posted this picture and these words and if you know me on instagram than you know I HASHTAG the heck out of everything! I think it is comical to use hashtags and my children not so much! They are embarrassed by my hashtags so for the last year or so, I have tried to taper the hashtags.
 

I couldn't be more proud and I love he rocked his HASHTAGS! Sometimes, God answers the prayers of your heart in the sweetest ways! This was one of them! " Go forth and Go forward and may the decisions that you choose bring the Destiny you see!

Happy Mother's Day

I realize I haven't even posted our obligatory family Easter pictures, which we were all in purple but I have my Mothers Day pictures.
OOPS not quite ready! LOL, hate when you have to work with a self timer!

Truly, I am honored each day by my children and husband so Mother's Day really isn't anything spectacular or different. Each weekend Mr. Incredible almost always makes breakfast for our family and Sunday Dinners. But on Mother's Day I always get homemade cards. I do not like store bought cards. Mainly because seriously, they are so over priced! I want to hear their thoughts from their hearts. I received the sweetest most tender cards.
Ahh, better!

Beauty, Sweetheart and Dash MADE my mother's day lei! I knew they were doing it. I watched some but it warmed my heart to see them working so dilligently on a project for me! They made me strawberry and whipped creme filled crepes for breakfast. Gave me my cards and lei and a beautiful canvas black and white print of Christ walking on Water. Beautiful.

We got ready for church. We all color co-ordinated. I request they find something in their closets that was black, white or grey. Each of them came out looking smashing! Beauty surprised me. She did not tell me that she was giving a talk on today. Her talk was so sweet and tender. She cried and I fought hard not to cry as well. But, in the end. I couldn't help myself. I am so proud of the woman she is becoming. She is amazing and truly I am in awe over the things that she overcomes and must deal with and how eloquently and gracefully she handles herself. (when frankly, I would have taken the low road and been quite ok, with that.) Symphony candy bars were passed out to all women and RS and YW celebrated together. The priesthood took over all classes and all of the women were able to join us for the third hour. The YW were in charge of fruit and The RS presidency made Texas Sheet cake, well. Lisa and I made Texas Sheet cake. and we asked another sister to make cupcakes (not chocolate). We brought watermelon. I wonder if any other YW brought fruit because I only saw strawberries and I know Lisa has two daughters also and they brought strawberries. Hmmm....LOL! It was lovely.
Mother's day was so perfect and wonderful because of this GREAT MAN!

Because Mr. Incredible has honored me as the mother of his children. They honor me. They treat me well and they want to treat me like a queen because they were taught these things, by their dad. He's one of my greatest blessings!

We came home and Mr. Incredible made a delicious dinner. Camarones Chipolte! I can't believe I haven't shared one of our perfected restaurant recipes! We had that with flour tortillas, rice and refried beans with white cheese sauce! ::swoons:: Homemade tortillas and strawberry margaritas! HOLY GOODNESS! I was in heaven!
Guess what, we also had homemade strawberry NY cheesecake that was the bombdiggity of all!

But one of my best gifts was to be able to talk to Warrior who has been serving his mission for 9, NINE MONTHS! It was wonderful. He is wonderful. I was soaking each word and each breath he took in like water takes to a dry desert. It was hard to say good bye but I didn't want to get sappy and wanted to remain positive but my heart sure does ache for him. I love him so. Don't get me WRONG! I definitely would rather have him serve a beautiful mission than to come home early. He is teaching this family. They have a son who is 12 and has been going to mutual. He wants to be baptized and his parents have allowed the lessons to begin. They were interested and have backed off some but he is hoping that this young boy will help his parents know what they feel is true and be baptized as well. So say a prayer for them.
    I am really grateful to my mom and for all of the things that she has sacrificed for me and everything that she continues to do. She is truly a great woman. I have taken many of her habits and qualities and have tried to perfect them with my own children. One of my favorite memories with my mom was we would jump rope in the driveway and we would run in and out of the rope and try to chase one another and tag them to get them out. I was shocked and so amazed that my mom was GREAT at this! I couldn't believe it! I wish we lived a bit closer. So, we too could celebrate Mother's Day together.

Our Missionary

So our missionary has been out for just over a month already! His letters home have been like manna from heaven. I have so loved reading all about his wonderful experiences. He had a fantabulous companion in the MTC and he had enjoyed every minute being there. He continues to write the friends that he has met there, and who are now serving in other mission fields. He has always had great charisma and a special spirit that has been open and accepting that people are drawn to him.
He is now in California. A small town called Gridley. This is the hometown where the Bishop in California was shot and killed a few months ago. He said that that Bishop and his wife were from Gridley and grew up there and both his parents and her parents still are there. 
We have always seen him as a leader and a spiritual kid but his letters home have astounded me. He has grown so much, he has matured so and I fear that if we don't keep up our pace with doing all we can, we will be left behind.
He loves loves all the letters he is receiving and says to keep sending them! He has already had very special experiences and stories of faith and has done amazing things that have shocked his companion and has been told he isn't like the typical greenies and those in his mission are treating him like a "king" Oh no, because we all know how his dad likes to be called King. But, the missionaries serve him first and wait! I'm not sure that is a king trait, or they just want to know its safe for consumption! Despite my display of pride and excitement his letters are quite humble and inspiring. I love being his mother and being a missionary mom. Our family can already feel the special blessings of having a child serve.
He always leaves me in tears as he professes his endearing love for us, his gratitude that we raised him the way we did and for Mr. Incredible teaching him so much in the gospel and life. It just tugs at my heart strings! First day out, first discussion and he committed someone to baptism! LOL,
Anyway, to see a glimpse of his first day and new greenies with him please click his mission link which can be found here.  He is standing next to his mission President! He is as big as his mission president and loves him and says Sister Pendleton reminds him of a lady in our ward, in Missouri.
I have pics but I can't get them to load.

Like Manna from Heaven

September 13th, MONDAY~ ( to date: He is currently in the field, if you need his address email me, info is my contacts or catch me on facebook) FB, I at least know everyone and would feel comfortable posting his addy.)

     Today I was talking to a really good friend here and she too has a son serving a mission in Brownsville, TX. He has been out for over a year so if anyone knows Elder R. Yergensen be sure to give him an extra big hug. He also played football at the U of U, but we won't fault him for that. (just kidding) She was telling me how she received a letter from her boy. I was happy for her but still sulking and trying not to sound bitter. We have written Warrior everyday faithfully since he left. He has received an email each night and for some reason that offers me great comfort. It makes me sad to think what if he didn't get a letter. I asked him to let me know if there were any missionaries that he knew of that needed letters because I would write to them!
    As always, Mr. Incredible brings in the mail and he brought in a letter from our boy! I was almost afraid to open it! I studied his handwriting. (chicken scratch, actually) but as we gathered the family around for Family Home Evening to read his letter tears came to my eyes and the tightness in my chest lifted. I felt so relieved to hear his words and his enthusiasm for being there. He loves it there. He absolutely loves it there. He loves his companion. He loves all the experiences and people he is meeting. He loves waking up. He loves learning. He has even learned words in Tongan, Samoan, Philippine, Cantonese and Spanish. He absolutely loves his instructors. He says he will be so sad to leave the MTC. Through his words, I can't help but feel that the training center must be floating on air! It is that spiritual and amazing. I wish I had that experience. He makes me want to be better. I can see him growing and changing already, in this short amount of time. I don't want him to come home and our home feel strange or uncomfortable. I want us all to grow right along with him. So, we too are refining ourselves a bit more. So, that when he comes home his transition will be a bit easier. I will say that I know the First Presidency knows what is best for these young men as well as their mother's and truly anything longer than this would be too much to bear. Imagine that? who woulda thunk it? Until this moment, I had no comprehension of how much anxiety I was carrying. It truly was like manna from Heaven. Thank you, thank you.

Wednesday, September 15th we received his first email letter! It feels so good to have have it reconfirmed that all is well. I have never communicated with Warrior through letters. It has always been via phone or text or person. I am really enjoying this letter writing and emailing. He has grown so much. He thanks us over and over again for his opportunity to serve this mission. He is just so grateful it breaks my heart! He did it, we didn't. He writes how thankful he is for the way we parented him and for the experiences and how we raised him. (I know the correct wording is reared) But, to hear my son, bear testimony and witness of the things he has seen and partaken of, thus far and to have him express gratitude and appreciation for being his parents and loving him and giving him the opportunity to serve a mission, is well... a little more than this mama goose can bear. He has no idea that it was not us, it was he. It is because of his choices that has brought him to this very moment to where he could serve. He said he always knew we wanted to him to serve a mission. He said he then felt like he too wanted to serve a mission and lived so he could but it wasn't until he stepped foot into the MTC where he realized he truly was glad he was serving a mission. He just kept thanking us for teaching him in these things. But, I wish he would realize that this joy and happiness he feels is directly related to all of those choices that he made up to this point. When he was 8 yrs old, 12, 14, 16 and 18 and all those years in between. He reaps the benefits of those choices. He loves going to the temple. We had gone through the temple with him a few times prior to him leaving so that he could clearly understand. Again, I'm so grateful that Mr. Incredible is here for him. I pray everyday that he is here for all of our children and to see Dash through when he goes for his endowments! He is simply amazing and there is no equivalent for his replacement.

It sparks a memory of the consequences of choices Warrior has made.
There was a time when Warrior was 15 or 16 and there was a co-ed party. I strongly felt he shouldn't go. He strongly felt he should go. I was adamant he shouldn't. I should admit that mostly my decisions are off the fly, but this time I was level headed and truly felt it was not a good thing. I expressed it to him, Warrior again disagreed. So, unlike him. He has never been one to push back. This behavior left me baffled and had me question my own judgement. Mr. Incredible didn't have a feel either way, but had respected my feelings and had asked that we both retire to our rooms and pray for an answer. We both did and we would trust the answer that Warrior, received and go with that. My answer was still, No. I was positive that Warrior would come back and say he was going, "I was stunned and amazed when he said the answer he felt was NO, as well. Our children have the abilities to know and feel the spirit. We teach them to choose the right, but what good is it, when they are only allowed to choose from the right choices we would have them to choose? (they are asked to make right choices while young for these very moments) It was a leap of faith on my part to put this decision in my son's hands. I don't know why I felt like this wasn't a good thing. But he had learned that we did trust him, we trusted his judgement, his faith and his decision. Similar situations have come up through the years. Sometimes the answer was different than I had felt. But, we asked him to pray and we would trust in him. He has never broken that trust. There have been disappointments and frustrations, he nor we are perfect. But, trustworthy and honest, kindness and integrity are all names that can be attached to him. Sometimes, you just have to let go and see where the pieces fall. If we are lucky they will fall exactly where they are meant to fall and if we aren't the lucky part is as a family all pieces can be put back together again! I love truly love my husband and my children with all that I am. I'm so glad they are mine and I belong to them. Cherish your own families. Fortify and strengthen those bonds. They are all that matters.

MTC bound

...so far behind less than a month, so that's pretty good.

  SEPTEMBER 8th, 2010

This morning we woke early to bring Warrior to the airport. He looked so handsome in his pin striped suit, and crisp white shirt. I wish he had a name tag. We had procrastinated and procrastinated taking pictures. It's a down fall of mine. This entire year has been a whirl wind for me. First we don't have a job, then we have a job, in three weeks we had to prepare our home for sale, find a home in another state and move our entire family.  Once we arrived we jumped in full speed ahead and in less than three months of being here I fell into the Relief Society Presidency and my husband in the Young Men's Presidency. I wouldn't have it any other way but my blogging abilities and abilities to juggle and adjust have been LAME! All of the holidays that we have had here pale in comparison to the memories and traditions of past! I don't see it getting any better either.

The important things were taken care of. I was dry eyed today, which really surprised me. Everyone else were dropping tears by the buckets. It was good that I wasn't a basket case because Mr. Incredible was very emotional. It was hard on him. He was saying good bye to his boy, forever. Because this same boy will return a man and is making his final steps into that passage.

Dash, was so very sad. Warrior has always been his very best friend and the best brother, ever. My heart broke for him. And no matter how hard his heart hurt then, I knew it would hurt even more when he would come home from school. Everyday, Warrior and Dash would play xbox, or shoot their bows, and just hang. It will be a time that they will never have again. Warrior would meet his brother and sisters for lunch during each of their luch hours. He made the best of his time, while he was here. And when his bus arrived to our driveway, today Dash felt the lonliness sink in. Countless times I heard, " I miss Warrior", there is nothing to do, I miss Warrior." I remained silent. There was nothing I could do or say to take that emptiness away. I let him work throught it. I cautioned him, this summer when Warrior came home from school that he shouldn't give up all his new friends.

Beauty and Sweetheart were sad but consolable. We will miss him because he is such a good brother and son. He very quickly made lasting ties with members in our new ward. He was with them for 4 months and members have been so good to him and gracious. He talked to cousins B and A and his grandma J called bright and early. I love all the people that connected with him and sent their well wishes. 

 I feel solemn. Sad but happy. He is where he should be. He is where he wants to be. He is ready. I'm sad because I can only communicate with him via letters and email ONCE a week. I hope there is someone who will be his mama away from home. There is a newbie Elder in our ward. He has been out two weeks today. I'm taking him under my protective wing. I love him! He is from Centerville, UT. His name is Elder and his last name is Ditto. LOL

A small glimpse of what our Father in Heaven must feel. He was sad to see us come to earth but happy because he knew this was our next stage in progression. We had to come to experience life lessons, to gain a body and to be tested. We could communicate to him through prayer and in a short time we would be back with him again. I know the gospel is true. I wouldn't send my son, if I didn't believe it. I know the power of missionary work. I know the power of the spirit that testifies the truthfulness of the gospel if you will only ask with a sincere heart and contrite spirit. I know that the gospel of Jesus Christ is open to all to come unto. Live better, be better. Be more kind, more patient, quick to forgive and slow to anger. It has to start somewhere. Let it start with you. The skies are very indicative of how I am feeling. Cloudy but there is a hope of a brighter more beautiful day. With sadness comes much joy!

BTW, I medicated myself with krispy kreme donuts. It put me in a carb coma and I was comfotably numb. I wonder if Pink Floyd was singing about donuts. I have wonderful friends here. They were worried about me and scheduled a lunch date and then I had many calling and texting to make sure that I was ok. This is the place for me and I'm so happy to be here! I'm so sorry that I hadn't reached out to my other friends who already had son's serve missions. I didn't know. But, I do now for all my "younger" friends with perspected missionaries in the near future.

We chose not to fly with him to SLC, family have met him and took him to his favorite place to eat and then watched him enter his new home for the next few weeks.

***update after the 8th*** It has been four days and I have not heard from Elder Solomon. I'm about to go insane! It is so unfair, that as a mother I was there for his first breath of life, his first words, his first steps, his first scrapes, his first day of school, graduation, college, all of his major firsts! You get the picture! I just want to know how his first day at the MTC is. There is so much anxiety built within that my chest is tight. I anxiously await to hear word. I'm thinking about writing the First Presidency concerning this matter. It's quite cruel if  you ask me, but um... don't ask.

Day before the MTC

Tues, Sept 7th.

We had to report to the Stake President's house, President Hensey at 7:30. They took our picture. We wrote some words to go in a scrap book. Had a good chat and get to know you and the he was set apart as a missionary. In his prayer were words and thoughts that were very similar to his patriarchal blessing. It was very enlightning and insightful to hear the similarities. I testify that Heavenly Father knows who each of us are. He has faithful servants who lead and guide and through such diligent service the windows of Heaven are open. AMEN!

I was a bit weepy all day. We made one of Warrior's favorite meals. We have been eating his favorite meals for the past week and a half. Mr. Incredible made home made pistachio ice cream. Warrior's fave.

Being set apart was a bitter sweet moment. It would have been so nice to have been sittig in Charlotte and sitting across from our Stake President who has known Warrior since he was a young boy! Who shared the same personal enthusiasm and love for him as we do. Instead, we shared who we were, that we had moved 6 months ago and qualities about our son. Where President Cheney in Charlotte, would have told us all about his qualities and shared one more time of his experiences and observances of our son. It would have been a beautiful trip down memory lane. I sure miss President Cheney! It's always nice to hear those stories again again.
I was a bit of a cry baby. Not because he finally made it and was serving a mission but because I would truly miss his spirit. He has been a good son. He and Dash are 10 years apart. In less than 10 years we will have to shape and mold another son, into a young man. Questions flooded my mind on what could we do better, what could we do differently, what worked and what didn't, what will we have to do differently because Dash is different than Warrior.

Mr. Incredible did all the loose ends. He was thorough in making sure that everything was taken care of for his son. He ironed all 18 white shirts! HOLY! I let him do his thing it was almost methodical for him to do that service. I couldn't help but wonder if he was reflecting on his day when he left for the MTC. I know there is an emptiness and a lonliness because Mr. Incredible lost his father to cancer just prior to going on his mission. He has shared that he wished his dad could have been there or given his words of wisdom or have felt his arms of strength wrap around him. But everything has a reason in the big picture. We can only see a portion of the great masterpiece. But my beloved man was there for his son and I'm so thankful for that. I know Mr. Incredible was recollecting and doing things he wished he had with his dad.  Mr. Incredible had to have had a pretty incredible father because I have never heard anyone in my 20 years of marriage talk badly about him! What a tribute to the life one leads. So, glad he was my husband's father because he helped shape the core of who he is.

Fast Sunday

sept 5, 2010
Today is fast Sunday. The entire week has been crazy busy. I had forgotten that this would be my last Sunday sitting with my son, for quite some time. I knew I wasn't going to stand and share my testimony. I was so surprised when both of my daughters stood to share their testimonies to their brother. They were the sweetest most pure words. I tried to hold it together but I lost it. This is only the second time I have heard both of my girls bear witness of Jesus Christ and the gospel. They both shared how much they loved their brother and how they would miss him. Dash was trying to be such a big man, but his tears fell freely. Mr. Incredible stood and shared his testimony and his love. Then a father and son stood together and bore their testimonies. They are from Brazil so the father had his son translate so the message wouldn't be lost. It was so powerful. His son will be serving in the Hartford, Conneticut mission next month Portugese speaking! Warrior and he really connected. I'm so bummed they didn't move to our area sooner. What a great day of testimonies of missionary work and the truthfulness of the gospel. It was a really hard sacrament meeting for me.

The closing hymn was God be with you til we meet again, in honor of Warrior. I couldn't sing the song. I could barely breathe. I was trying so hard to hold it together and stay composed but my eyes stung and my chest hurt. I just wanted to leave and let my chest heave and have a big boohoo. But, I sat in pain. Once the song was over and the prayer was said, I could breathe and move. I opted out of having a break the fast. Our week had been so chaotic and I just wanted to spend this little time loving my boy and being just us. We had a good day and made Philly Cheese steaks, YUM!YUM!

Thank you Yadira

Warrior's girlfriend Yadira came in on Thursday, August 26th. It was so good to have her hear. When she entered our home and I heard in her in the hall I called to her from my bedroom and gave her a HUGE HUG and truly missed her. It was so sweet. She started to cry. I can see why Warrior loves her so. She truly has been so supportive of Warrior in all of his goals and so deserving of her Young Women's medallion. He is blessed that he found a girl who understands her worth, has integrity and honor because in return she treats him and all those around her with those same respects. Yadira, has NOT always been a member. She was baptized when she was 14 years old. Her parents are recent converts as well. Her mother has a beautiful story of struggle and triumph. Her mother is a kind generous woman. Warrior loves Yadi's family like his own, and I love her family because they are good to him and he loves them. Yadira has many great qualities and she will make a wonderful wife and daughter in law. Either for my son or another. Two years is a long time. If it is meant to be, it will be and I would be happy. Thank you for being strong and for helping him attain his goals and you yours. (remember, take this time and date and have fun. All will be well.)
While she was here visiting I saw so many qualities and similarities in her personality and sense of humor that mirror my own. I ribbed my son that he wold marry his mother. He was fine with that and she was too, ::OH help us all:: I saw qualities I liked and I saw qualities that an outsider wouldn't understand. Mr. and I have a banter that goes on that may appear to others we are fighting. Seriously, if I ever get silent or won't talk. It means I'm hurt or offended or both.  If it doesn't bother me really but I can get a rise, I'll argue that the sky is green. (It is you know, yeah it is, uh hmm.) Warrior and Yadira have a light banter amongst themselves. The two just make me laugh. She got to spend a week with us. I was sad to have her leave!
Family from both sides came in town. It was so great and we appreciate the sacrifice. My mom came in on Friday, the 27th and the Mr.'s family came in on Saturday, the 28th! It was busy busy but we sure did eat well. We always do! This is Warrior's last week and we had to get in many if not all of his favorites.
With Y we had steak and all the fixings, another one of his favorites is pork loin, then when the Mr.'s family arrived we had shrimp scampi and shrimp alfredo. Most of his favorite desserts were prepared. Sugar cookies, cheese cakes, pistachio ice cream, and gooey bars. On Sunday we had fried chicken. YUM!

Warrior spoke on Sunday and then became quite emotional when trying to relay his feelings about his dad. How grateful he was to have his dad as his priest quorum teacher and how lucky the boys in the ward are to have him as their Young Men's President. Listening to the Mr.'s words and bearing his testimony at the end of each of his lessons really helped to fortify his own testimony. Warrior broke down at the pulpit. It was quite hard for me to watch and uncomfortable. I realized I hadn't seen him cry since he was a little boy, of 10 years old. It was a beautiful tribute to his dad. His best friend and his testimony of faith. The ward members love him, the children play with him. I love our ward and I love the sweet gifts they gave to him, too.

Mr.'s brother took pictures. I have been anti pictures for about 3 months now. Hopefully, I will find the desire to pick my camera back up and start shooting.

WE HAVE A CALL

Warrior has been called to serve in the California Roseville Mission! It is northern California and very beautiful! Me, being Internet savvy and came across the official blog site for his mission! Look where Warrior has the privilege of serving!
CLICK IT!

This is a wonderful site for where he is will be serving! This Mission blog gives all the information about Roseville! Please find out more here.
Did you know that they have their own logo, mission song and band? ::nods head: Yep! They do, it can be found HERE, HERE and HERE!

Does it not look like the most spiritual, fun and uplifting mission ever! I'm so excited for him. I'm sure you can't tell. One last LINK I promise! But click on this link, and check out HOW CUTE Warrior's mission President's family is! click on their pic and enlarge! I mean I love a woman who color co-ordinates her entire family, I'm assuming placed the daughter in laws in white shirts and who made their grand daughters cute amazing dresses?? I think I'm developing a bit of a blog crush on Sister Pendleton.
He will be serving English speaking for now and will be required to have a good sturdy bike.
I asked him if he was disappointed that he wasn't called to serve a foreign mission. He said no, "It's not where you serve but how you serve." Umm.. yeah, I feel like a heel! I think at times we may set our children up for disappointment by speaking too much of WHERE they serve and not how they serve.
I am tickled pink that he is state side. The country let alone the world is in a vicarious state. The Mr's family has a voodoo hex on state side missions. Prior to receiving his mission call, while we were touring Nauvoo he said that he would break that hex, if he were called state side!
Well, valiant Warrior it seems it is your call to break that hex and serve well.

I want you to know that I will worry less about you. Because I know you are on America's soil. I know danger can come and may come but knowing that you aren't far from me offers my crazy mind peace and my heart comfort.

Your patriarchal blessing offers insight to why you were called where you are. If it isn't for spreading the gospel it most definitely is because your companions. We love you, we are so proud of you. We expect nothing but the best from you. You have been called now it's time to go forward in faith. Serving an honorable mission will give you life experiences like no other. Experiences that will help you in your decisions in marriage, career and future church callings. Love you! September 8th he will report to the MTC and our family will be there to see you off, UTAH HERE WE COME!!

Go forth in Faith

The blessed day has come that we watched the tail lights and heard the rumble of our dual exhaust pick up truck exit our driveway not to return until next year. It was best for Warrior to have a vehicle. This tempered many of our apprehensions. He will now have no reason to "have" to ride with an unsafe driver, he will be able to attend all church meetings and activities, and he will be able to get whatever necessities may come up. I've been his mother long enough to also know that this will also be his means of recreation. He may go mudding or on excursions and I hope he does take a few weekend trips somewhere and explore this beautiful country that we live in.

My heart broke and I thought that someone sucker punched me right to the gut! I couldn't breathe, my eyes stung and welled quickly with salty tears, and silence was good; until I gasped for air and was betrayed by my quivering stomache and tight throat that seemed to evoke sounds of a wild coyote in pain. I was astonished myself. Yet, being embarrisingly aware of these noises I couldn't stop them either. I just stood there like a statue squawking and waving good-bye. But, I knew he would be fine.

The one who took it the hardest was Beauty. Beauty must have cried for at least an hour or more and I was there to hold her and talk with her. Beauty has always been in Warrior's shadow and was quite content to be there. The two of them have always been quite close. They aggravated each other but they had this secret pack with one another as well. She was lost, she was alone and she had lost truly her best friend. What a wonderful opportunity she has. Her siblings will now turn to her, she will be the leader, she will be the protector, and she will be the one they turn to when they don't come to us, "the parents". It is her time! I look forward to a new relationship with her a different relationship with her. This is her time. I anxiously await to experiencing it with her.


Sweetheart and Dash they wiped a tear or two went back into the house and fell asleep quickly, after all it was the tender hour of 6am. Dash's funniest comment was who am I going to tell all my girl issues to? That question slapped me in the face! "What girl issues?" He said, "Mom, you just wouldn't understand"! In which I replied, "Yeah, right buddy."

All of Warrior's siblings have turned to him for counsel, guidance and answers when they felt they couldn't come to me. The ache of missing him comes from him being such a good big brother, a good son and a good leader. We miss you but we are so excited for you!! I am so glad that college is paying for your food bill and that you are able to eat all you can eat as much as you can eat during cafeteria hours! Make your mark, son. LOL
One last family photo opt until December or maybe November.

**************UPDATE************************************************'
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Mr. Incredible said his goodbye's on Saturday, August 15th. It was short and sweet because he had two a days! It was heartfelt. Mr. Incredible felt like he was saying good bye to his son but also more importantly his son, had become a man who had grown into being his best friend.
Warrior had practice Sunday morning at 6am and then he went to church. It was a branch there. Everyone was so nice and generous and so excited to see him. Two nice ladies had already invited him to dinner! The church no matter where you go is your extended family! I knew he would be well taken care of. What a great little town and haven he has found. Next Sunday when they aren't in two a days he will be able to attend the University Ward, which will be a student ward. I know he is looking forward to that.
I can talk about Warrior and I am doing fine. But, I can't bring myself to talk to him on the phone. I'm afraid my voice will betray my true wishes for him and I think it is more important that he knows I support him and love him. I talk to him through his dad and texting works. I think he has not called my phone for the same reasons. WE have texted and that will suffice for now. I love you Warrior. Go get em!